Round 2. FIGHT!
Thanks to everyone for the support and subscriptions in the past week. I now have over 80 subscribers, so now I have to make this worth reading. Oofa doofa.
It me
Thanks to my amazing husband for creating my new avatar/logo. It’s based on a drawing he did years ago that was commissioned by our son.
Theo was 6 years old. We were having a meal somewhere, which meant we were coloring. Even if a restaurant wasn’t classy enough to have a paper kids menu and off-brand crayons, I always kept something in the car to stave off whining. On this occasion, all I had was an old notebook.
Out of the blue, Theo asked me what my favorite feeling was. I thought for a bit, then told him that it was contentment.
“What’s contentment?”
“It’s when you have what you want and you are happy with it.”
“Can you show me what it looks like?”
I closed my eyes, pressed my lips together in a satisfied smile, tilted my chin up, turned away slightly and took a deep breath, trying to evoke peaceful rest after taxing struggles.
Without missing a beat, he handed Greg the lined notebook and said, “Draw that.”
Greg has created a new version of it for my Substack. It represents a me that I’m always striving toward. A me that feels at peace with her world.
My tendencies towards anxiety and depression are serious roadblocks in my attempts at contentment.
This is cliché but earnestly true: I used to think that my anxiety/depression/lack of contentment would go away naturally as I continued to do things that made me happy. Perhaps enough experiences and achievements would reassure me that everything was chill. But none of that helps if you can’t see the experiences in the correct light.
I have to continually work to view things from a larger viewpoint. To see the whole forest, not just the one tree I planted, or the seedling that withered away. And - as I’ll always mention whenever discussing mental health - the medication helps.
Anyway! Greg made me a cool avatar!
Highlights and Lowlights
I’m sure you remember Highlights For Children, the magazine that is forever linked to waiting to see the dentist.
We have a subscription for my kids. They dismissively thumb past the longer morality tales in search of more palatable content. The Hidden Pictures page is a must-visit. They can't resist the Timbertoes comic due to the format, even though their “adventures” are just as bland as they ever were. Kid-submitted drawings always catch their eyes. Any mazes or puzzles will be quickly handled. We cut out the awkward printed board games, where you flip a coin to find out how many spaces to move. I try to read one of the poems out loud before they complain that they don't want to hear it. (Believe me, they enjoy it, they just don’t want to admit as much.) Sometimes we even do the craft, especially if it involves toilet paper tubes.
But we all know the real stars of Highlights for Children. I'm talking about those avatars of conscience in action, Goofus and Gallant.
These guys! One is always a jerk. The other is always considerate. Don't you just hate them both?
Well, they’re still around. Here’s a modern page so you can see how these parables play out today.
Mansplainers are such Goofuses.
At the bottom you can see that now they invite kids to write in and confess their Goofus sins or show off their Gallant achievements. The publishers also take caption submissions for the strip itself. Readers get to find out what particular Goofus behavior today’s kids are sick of seeing on the playground. In a recent submission from a child, Goofus says “yuck” to a classmate’s unfamiliar school lunch. Gallant shows interest in his classmate’s family cuisine. It’s pretty great.
Oh, and my kids love it. They always head to that page first and want me to read it to them. Probably for the same reasons I always loved it as a kid - because you could hate Goofus for being a villain, then hate Gallant for being so perfect, and then go back to Goofus and say to yourself, damn, I relate more to the one actively shoving his friends out of the way to get some candy.
The inevitable part of revisiting children’s media as a parent is the ol’ switcheroo of now identifying with the adults in the story. Whenever she makes an appearance, I feel deeply for Goofus' mom. I’m dealing with two Goofuses a fair amount of the time.
I can only hope that these little comics are making some sort of dent in my children’s perception of kindness and consideration. Right.
Much like the mix-’n-match of Highlights offerings, I really don’t know what I’m going to be putting into this newsletter. Poetry, interesting trivia tidbits, essay pieces, short stories (maybe without the overbearing morals), Photoshop projects? Oh and probably something about how my actual life is going, sometimes.
Additionally, just as Highlights asks kids to send in their questions and artwork, I want to hear from you. Is there something you want to talk about? Is there a news story I should see? I want to see what cool stuff you’re up to. (psst - I am not on Facebook much anymore.) I am also looking for topics to write on, so request away!
So yeah, maybe you’ll learn some random things from my newsletter, like the fact that this demon and angel duo has always been drawn to look similar to each other, without any sort of “black hat/white hat” labeling pitfalls. Just a couple of blond boys that you wouldn’t be able to tell apart if it weren’t for that stinky look on Goofus’ face.
If there are other childhood delights that you’d like to see me revisit, please send them along.
Richard Feynman, emphasis mine:
Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all.
Headphones
Good, no good
Good
No good
No in between.
Riding high
Scraping by
Creating a scene.
Smile with friends
Hide in bed
Stare at a screen.
Plan it all out
Then rant and shout
Slash at the seams.
Old is a bore
New is a chore
Cannot be free.
Go and get
Avoid and regret
Anxiety queen.
Good
No good
No in between.
--js 2016, finished 9/14/2021
The Sugar Conundrum
I enjoy coffee. I mean, I really like it. It’s good.
FINE, you forced it out of me. What I really mean is that without caffeine there is no living this modern lifestyle. The anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds only go so far. They make me feel better about not accomplishing a million things at once, but they’re not going to help me achieve the few things I can get to.
Nope, I need caffeine for that.
I do like drinking coffee. Some days it’s more of a need than a want, but in general, I enjoy a cup.
But only if it has cream and sugar in it.
Without the cream and sugar, coffee is a bitter medicine, taken under duress. Our milk went sour the other day, so I slipped in some whipping cream instead. So, so, so good. I try to forget that I could do this every day because it would be the death of me. One time we ran out of sugar and out of desperation I actually put honey in my coffee. I do NOT recommend it.
I have tried to cut down on the sugar. A large homemade coffee ala Jen calls for two spoons of sugar. Heaping? Maybe. When I’ve seen too much talk about how sugar is poison - which both is and is not true, btw - or rather, when I’ve realized that empty calories don’t necessarily agree with me, I’ll try to wean myself away over time. Heaping spoons become level spoons, then two spoons become one and a half. I recently got myself down to one spoon, and I was feeling good about it. I set a goal and I did it!
It took me a few more days to notice that it wasn’t working. I was more tired. I was not making it through. Zoned out, fragile, unambitious. Tired.
I didn’t quit coffee, I lowered sugar. Why am I more tired? Have I been riding sugar this whole time, not caffeine? Whoa, that’s a trip. Need to reconsider everything, I thought to myself as I tidied up some dishes. I picked up my mug to wash it and discovered that it was…full of coffee. Like, two-thirds full. I had abandoned it, forgotten about it. Come to think of it, wasn’t there coffee left over yesterday? And the day before?
It was immediately clear that without the sugar, I didn’t love drinking coffee. With a lot of sugar it was like the dessert-accinos I tend to order from Starbucks - a treat that disappeared quickly. But with only one spoon I’d take that first sip of the morning and say encouragingly to myself, yes, this isn’t as sweet as you’d like, but you’ll get used to it. I’d sip a little here and there, then feel “done” with coffee enough to not notice I’d had so little. It had slipped below the line between enjoyment and dosage.
So yeah, I gave up on that. To compensate, I’ve cut back to a smaller cup with just one spoon of sugar…after my large morning tea with lots and lots of honey, of course.
That’s it for this week. Two in a row! =) See you soon.
I love all of this, Jennie. Your definition of contentment has really thrown me into a tizzy— “when you have what you want and are happy with it.” Reading it I realize that I’ve always defined contentment as “being happy with what you have.” I like yours so much better because it makes room for WHAT I WANT. My life right now is 100% focused on what I want. For the first time ever I am giving myself permission to want. It feels empowering but also so scary. Your poem also really hit me. I relate so very much. Keep up the great work. I’m looking forward to reading whatever you put out, as always.
I love your logo. It's very you.
We always had highlights and Goofus and Gallant were always where I went to first. I'd like to think I've taken something away from it. Lately I've been trying to insert myself or my experiences less into the conversation, which seems a Gallant thing to do. To just listen to the other person and not jump in with a me too or a this is what happened to me. It's not the easiest thing.
I have a great group of gals that I've known since pre-school. We have a text chat that started out with just everyday things but has turned into more in depth discussions. This week has been why kids today are so overwhelmed and not looking forward to the future. It's been really great support and we've had a lot of really great discussions about all kinds of things. I really look forward every day to seeing where our conversations go. LoT used to be a lot like that. Lots of random discussions on all kinds of topics, and I miss that a lot ;)
I think I'm really the only person I know who drinks coffee black. I always have. When Maddie was working at a coffee place I learned a lot about coffee and found that I really enjoy the lighter roasts. They aren't as bitter or burnt, like Starbucks. I get beans from a local roaster and really enjoy sipping away each morning.
Loving your newsletter. I've missed your voice.