Presenting Presence Presents
Here! Hear, hear!
Hey.
Every three seconds someone texts someone else, “Been a crazy week.” “So busy.” “Overwhelmed.” “Too much going on.” I know that’s what I am constantly saying, seemingly all the time.
It’s not like I always mean the same thing when I say “I’m sorry, I can’t even right now”. I know it makes for a handy excuse and it’s often not meant in the most serious way. Even in supposed normal times (LOL AMIRITE) I want to do all the things, I want to see all the people, I want to have all the conversations. When I say “I really wish I had the headspace for this” I usually mean it.
Lately, the depths of “I can’t right now” have been insurmountable.
As we get older and older, things get more complicated. More people to stay in touch with, multiplied by the number of things that can happen to people over such a long period of time.
I had a very bad situation with my extended family that plagued all of us for well over a year. Two weeks ago that came to a head, and it was a lot. I took the time I needed to work through it, and I tried to help others a little as well. I got some amazing support from very close friends. I am thankful that it is over. Apologies for the vagueries, but that’s all that needs saying, really.
The week afterward I did hardly anything but prepare for my daughter’s birthday. It was a very welcome escape into creativity and living in the moment that acted as an antidote to the prior week. So I shopped and sewed and generally found purpose in using my hands and smarts to make something fun.
Both weeks, I was “busy”. Both weeks, I didn’t have the “headspace” for writing a newsletter. I was nervous about not putting anything out, because any lost momentum would be difficult to overcome. But any attempts to write were pretty laughable.
When I get this slammed, I try to take stock of how I got here. Was it something I chose? I had no choice in the negative week, so I chose to have a completely frivolous one. None of the things I did for my daughter’s party had anything to do with reality, and that was perfect for me at the time.
So here I am starting fresh. My daughter turned 7, her party is over. Halloween is coming but I’m going to breathe for a few days first. Unpleasant experiences will continue to need processing as time rolls on. But for now, I’m here.
This particular edition will be short. Tomorrow I’ll send out a fun update regarding Audrey’s birthday. It became too long to include here!
Hope you’re all well in all the ways.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
One of the illusions is that the present hour is not the critical, decisive hour. Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he knows that every day is Doomsday.
Reassurance Lost
our deepest fears
our coldest nights
our saddest hours
our oldest plights
in times of dread
of shaken mind
there’s no instead
just endless grind
good cheer, say I
not all is pain
in morning light
away will wane
yet firmest hand
of simple fate
can't help our stand
it comes too late.
—js ???, 2008 edit
I take pictures
See you tomorrow.
Sometimes you just need to take care of yourself. Maddie will often ask me to help her with simple things because "I just don't have the spoons for it". Some days you just can't. And processing things sometimes takes a lot of time and energy. Take whatever time you need.